Get up and eat

Hey guys, so it's been quite awhile since my last post.  I was in a bit of a funk after my accident.  I was doing well because of course my injuries were minimal, however, not long after that my brain and probably the enemy were telling me lies about some emotions I was having.  I felt like I should be more inspired or motivated since I kind of had a near death experience.  Instead, I was feeling the same as before. I was beating myself up for staying in the same rut I was in.  I would think things like, God can't even get your attention with almost dying.  Or most people would use this experience to get up and get moving or do SOMETHING.  Satan was telling me I couldn't even do survival right.  Ugh, it really sucked. Of course, I couldn't stay there.  I was too busy with work to stay in that mind set.  So I just tucked it away with the other garbage that goes through my head until I have "time" to deal with it.  Some other life things happened this month and I got sick so other things took priority.  So today I rushed home from church to log into a work webinar and to sit in the sun of my living room window.  I decided to work on my bible study things that were long over due once my webinar was over.  My friend and I are going through the Crash the Chatterbox book by Steven Furtick.  This is the second time I am reading this book but I am at a very different place than the first time I read it.  I am currently on my favorite chapter of the book and it really enlightened me today. I mean in a way that I really needed to be.  It's like God is trying to get through my thick skull AGAIN. Here is what stuck out to me tonight, "Get up and eat. We do not live by bread alone; we must live by every word that comes from God's mouth. That's true. It's also true that God's Word cannot adequately sustain you---no matter how prevalent it is around you---until you receive it within you."- crash the chatterbox. I read that and was like whew! Now I am taking this out of context and a blog just isn't big enough for me to completely explain.  But he is referencing Elijah and how he was running in fear for his life and God was telling him to get up and eat.  How we can be consumed by fear and that we think if we can just be brave enough then we will be stronger.  "But often the issue isn't a measure of courage that's missing in our hearts. It's that our courage is malnourished. God has given us the gift of faith and fortitude in full supply. Bur the gift to grow and rise up and overpower our fear, it has to be fed."  Now this isn't a new revelation for me.  And it isn't a new concept.  I tried to explain it tonight to my husband, Chris, by saying that it is like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders again of condemnation.  I have been in this place of fear for so long and I know that if I just get back into the Word more, pray more, study more and focus on God more, then I know I will feel better and be in a better place.  I created a long list of things to do and each day I didn't do them it was like now I needed to go to the principle's office for not doing my homework.  It was a vicious cycle of negative self talk.  But reading this tonight, reminded me that it isn't a task list to complete.  That I am in the class room again and I am being taught, fed spiritually.  God wants me to be still and be in His word, not just because He tells us to, but because it is what will feed and sustain me.  It has spun this into a positive thing in my head vs this negative list of failures.  I may not be making any sense (I am used to not being understood), but just know that I am feeling encouraged to feed my spirit with God's word and I feel free to pray to Him without feeling condemned.  I knew all of this before but how quickly we can forget or allow Satan to twist things just enough to keep me from remembering God's truth.